I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
