bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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