I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
