I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize