Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I die, sorry about rent.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
