You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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