Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
