Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
