ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
