This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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