Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Are we still banned from the library?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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