Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize