Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
