Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
