I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Congratulations! We have a period
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