I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had sex on a roof
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize