I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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