also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I party with great urgency now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
