i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
