Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
