This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
