The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
