I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the day after is always just damage control
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
