I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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