2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
