good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
