Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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