Apparently you make a good broom.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
