Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This is the high leading the old right now
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
