It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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