I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
