as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
