Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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