Small penises have feelings too.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize