In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
