Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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