I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
