The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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