That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
