Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm bleeding and have questions
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
