He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
