You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
