No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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