We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
