so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
