Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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