are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need to calm my uterus...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize