Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
