i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
