She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
