come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
