i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
