do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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