I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize