3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
