And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
