why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
