I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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