my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
