Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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