I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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