it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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