Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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