he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize