So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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